A Different Kind of Gospel

The so called lost years of Jesus’ life are the subject of Christopher Moore’s hilarious novel, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal (437 pages, $13.95). Everyone knows the story of Jesus even if you don’t believe in him, but really we only know the birth story, preaching after thirty, and the crucifixion. So what happened in between? Christopher Moore attempts to give his own version of events, and the result is that Christ knew kung fu. No, really.

Ok, before I get into the plot and whatnot, I would like to point out that Mr. Moore does not actually think that the son of God knew martial arts. It’s a story. I found it in the fiction section, so put away your torches my darling readers. Those are for emergency use only.

The story opens with the angel Raziel being sent to earth to raise Levi who is called Biff, Christ’s best friend, and to put the poor guy to work writing a new gospel. Biff relates the history of his friendship with Joshua, a.k.a Jesus, beginning with the day the two met when they were six. Mr. Moore applies a human perspective to Joshua that makes him relatable, but that does not take away from his ultimate role on earth. Yes, Joshua’s birth is foretold by an angel, and yes, he is the son of God, but that does not mean he is born knowing how to be the Messiah. Actually, Joshua spends thirty years and three hundred pages trying to figure out how to save mankind. Mr. Moore paints a picture of a man full of humor and light, someone endeavoring to understand sin without participating, someone who loved the entire human race without exception, and someone put on earth with the seemingly impossible task of saving our sorry selves. That’s Jesus for you. And that’s where Biff comes in.

Joshua decides that in order to figure out how to become the Savior, he must leave to find the three wise men present at his birth, Balthasar, Gaspar, and Melchior. Biff, of course, goes with him. To Biff’s way of thinking, no one in their right mind would allow the Messiah, an innocent, to wander the known world by himself. Biff also comes in handy as Joshua attempts to understand sin without partaking. After all, how can he expect to preach against something he cannot comprehend? Many prostitutes later, Biff is hooked on sin, and Joshua continues to fulfill his destiny. Joshua and Biff travel from Nazareth to Kabul, from Kabul to China, and from China to India to visit the three wise men; each learning very different things in the same environment. Biff aquires skills such as poison-making, kung fu, and the Kama Sutra, while Joshua learns yoga, the Divine Spark, and Enlightenment. The journey itself is funny and touching, and not just because of who Biff is touching. Not funny, I know, but, like Joshua meeting the Untouchables in India, I am unable to talk about metaphorical touching with a straight face. You try it: say “heartwarming”, “self-discovery”, or “finding yourself” without feeling like a tool. It can’t be done, so Mr. Moore has artfully written a book on the aforementioned topics without actually saying any of them. Thank you.

While Biff adds his own brand of humor to the story, he is also the reader’s all-access pass to the Messiah. It is Biff’s perspective that furthers Joshua’s human side. Biff loves Joshua not just because he is the Messiah, but because he is also Biff’s best friend. Biff knows very well that if he chose to, he could aspire to Joshua’s level but that he has no hope of being the kind of person that Joshua is. Talk about living in someone else’s shadow. Even the woman Biff loves, Mary Magdalene, only loves Biff because she cannot have Joshua. If Jesus were around today, I doubt anything would be different in that particular area. Ideally, we should all strive to achieve the kind of perfection Jesus possessed. Realistically, we all know we can never achieve that kind of perfection, no matter how hard we try. The fact that being a Christian (or a good person in general) means a life of strife and struggle that offers no hope of reaching that ultimate level is depressing. The fact that we still choose to struggle is the definitive act of hopefulness. Lamb reminds us that knowing our own limitations should never stop us from trying to overcome them.

Mr. Moore also throws in little modern tidbits throughout Lamb, perhaps to make you stop and think. For instance, in China, Biff comes up with natural selection. My favorite, however, is the idea that the medium warps the message. Personally, I follow a pretty typical pattern: I was raised a Christian until I bailed out at sixteen. Now I have a hard time separating God from organized religion. I don’t often have the desire to go to church, mostly because, from my experience, the other churchgoers have identical smiles plastered on their faces like zombies. It’s creepy. I want religion without the creepiness. Just by saying that the medium bungles the message, Mr. Moore is able to find the words that I have been looking for to describe why organized religion repels me. Priests and kings have had two thousand years to distort Christ’s message, which is a heck of a head start. Not that Christopher Moore is saying that he is God’s mouthpiece or anything. Personally, I think Lamb just tries to remind people of a few good ideas: love each other, and be nice. Love should be the basis for all our interactions with other people. Also, Jesus dying for your sins means that it hurt. It was not like ordering coffee. That last comment was meant for those that believe, of course. To all those that don’t, Jesus was a nice guy who probably would have liked you anyway. Seriously, though, the Romans crucified a lot of people, and, as far as painful ways to die go, this one takes the cake.

In terms of how the story ends, and I cannot call this a spoiler, Joshua’s death is painful to read. The Bible relates his teachings and brief moments of his life, but Mr. Moore gives his readers a person, as much as the son of God can be considered a person. Readers of Lamb have almost four hundred pages to connect with Joshua before he is killed, which is four hundred pages of seeing Joshua’s personality and his love for humanity. His death is senseless, and Mr. Moore does an excellent job of making the loss of such a life feel real. Forget watching passion plays, just read Lamb.


Next Week: Tales of Desire by Tennessee Williams