Finding Life in Death

This week’s book is Victor Lodato’s Mathilda Savitch (292 pages, $14.00); the story of a girl coming of age a year after her sister’s death. Not knowing what I wanted to review this week, I picked up the book at random and, as always, read the first page. This is my ritual when it comes to finding a new book to read. If a book fails to pull me (an avid reader) in after page one, then it is unlikely to keep my attention for the next few hundred pages. Lodato's direct style of writing caught my attention with the first sentence: "I want to be awful". It was wonderful. Lodato warns his readers right off the bat what they are getting into: a character that has made the conscious decision to be bad.

The story is told from the point of view of Mathilda: an angry teenager whose sister was pushed in front of a train the year before. Now Mathilda causes trouble for her family out of anger, grief, and a desire to be noticed. Initially, it is difficult to look this character full in the face because the trouble she causes makes the reader feel ashamed of her and sorry for her all at once. For example, she puts on her sister's best dress on the anniversary of her death in the hopes that her parents might actually have to talk about her sister. Yes, it is ill-advised to do so, but what better way to get someone's attention? In the end, for better or for worse, for all her anger and irrational acts, she is impossible not to love. Lodato creates a beautiful and heartbreaking voice for Mathilda, which ends up being infinitely preferable to an omniscient narrative voice.

I was particularly interested in Mathilda's description of entities she calls "the watchers". They are not God with a capital g, and Mathilda does not say that they have any kind of divine power. The mere fact that they are referred to as "the watchers" and not "those inclined to action" states their function. They seem to be the souls of the universe, or perhaps the energy of the universe, but I think Mathilda would prefer them to be souls. When she does something she thinks is particularly daring, she says that she can feel "the watchers" perk up and take notice of her. I see it as someone who feels abandoned trying to establish a connection. She wants these "watchers" to watch her, and feels stronger when she believes they are paying attention. Do we not do the same thing with God? I applaud Lodato for choosing not to overtly bring God into his book. Not that I have an objection to God, but, in terms of writing, it is an easy out. Better to create something the character, in this case, a teenager with little to no knowledge of religion, would relate to. I would also like to point out that Mathilda is much more comfortable with her "watchers" than with anything the rest of the human race has come up with so far. At one point in the novel, Mathilda goes to a church to pray to Jesus, and meets a nun. While the nun has only the best of intentions, Mathilda cannot ask the questions that she wants to ask, and is woefully disappointed by this religious encounter. Church is where one would expect her to go for comfort, but it isn't for her. Instead, she has created her own comfort, free of other human influence, and I can't say I object. Grief is personal, and so is religion. The best we can do is find what works for us.

In terms of how different people deal with grief, I was also interested in Lodato's portrayal of Mathilda's parents. Her mother is closed and unstable, while her father puts on a calm face and goes through the motions of the day. Neither of them really talk to Mathilda. Not to say they never speak to her, but they don't talk about anything important. Mostly, they seem to be trying to shelter Mathilda and themselves at the same time, but it creates an oppressive household. Mathilda wants her parents to talk to her about her sister, but they are stuck in limbo between living and grieving. There are other factors attributing to her loneliness, but this is the big one. Her parents do not know how to help Mathilda with her grief because they are stuck in it themselves. I felt sorry for them, and for Mathilda. How to be a parent to one child when the other is dead? How to manage your own grief and hers as well? It is too much, and so Mathilda is neglected.

Alone, she finds her one path back to peace: finding her sister's murderer. I won't spoil this journey for you, but I will say that it's a good one. I will also say that Mathilda, through her grief, grows more in one day than most of us do in five years. If you do read this book, I would also recommend that you go do something cheerful afterward. Lodato, through Mathilda Savitch, expresses a loneliness and anger that is palpable.